Teaching Kids to Embrace…Failure?
Got your attention, folks? We thought the title might make more than a few of you curious. While “failure” may seem like a bad word, especially when it comes to how children perceive a result of something they have attempted to do, the truth, is that defeat is critical to their future achievements. Or in other words, they must learn to embrace failure to achieve success. Failures are learning experiences that reveal what does not work and creates opportunities for building necessary skills, deepening expertise, and creating a growth mindset that recognizes that setbacks can be turned into stepping stones for triumphs to come.
Please share the following point-by-point summary with your child on why failure is essential for achieving success in academics, athletics, the arts, or whatever else it is that they are passionate about:
- Failure facilitates learning and growth: It provides unique, hands-on lessons that successes cannot, teaching a child what to avoid, and where/when to refine techniques.
- Failure builds resilience and grit: Each instance teaches a child to overcome adversity, developing the mental toughness necessary to persevere through future challenges.
- Failure encourages innovation and creativity: When already established methods no longer work, a child will learn to search for new, more effective solutions and approaches to whatever it is they are trying to accomplish. In many cases, these new solutions may never have been employed by anyone before, which is why failure is often what leads to invention!
- Failure provides crucial information: It exposes gaps in a child’s existing knowledge base and strategy, allowing for improved information gathering and follow-up decision-making.
- Failure shifts perspective: It reframes the definition of success to include persistence and transforming mistakes from permanent defeats into temporary obstacles. The video at the end of this introduction touches on this particular point.
It’s one thing to pass this valuable insight on to your child, but as you well know, placing them in real world scenarios will be more impactful. Below are a few helpful ways to teach your kid all about how embracing failure will help them achieve incredible things.
3 Ways to Promote the Concept of Embracing Failure to Achieve Success to Your Kids
Encourage Them to Compete Against the Elite
It’s human nature to want to stay in the comfort zone when it comes to competition. When you’re an adolescent and one of the best (or the best) in the class for a given academic subject, or on an athletic team, it feels GREAT to be in that position. Contentment quickly sets in. Unfortunately, this doesn’t serve anyone well. Your child needs to know that being the best among their immediate peers (students or teammates from their school, etc.) does not adequately prepare them for stronger, higher-level “opponents” because it fosters a false sense of security, prevents the development of necessary resilience, and even allows bad habits to go unchecked. When they are comfortably dominant, they lack a consistent, higher-pressure environment needed to develop skills that only emerge when facing superior or equal competition. Communicate this to them, and encourage them to join leagues, teams, competitions (as applicable) outside of their direct circle of friends, classmates, and teammates to go up against the elite in other nearby communities or programs, whether for basketball, a spelling-bee, or everything beyond and between. Yes, they will be shocked at the level of talent, skill, and toughness that exists outside of their comfort zone, and they will experience failure, but after each and every defeat they will learn, adapt, and become even better than before!
Observe the Challenges Faced in Nature
In one of our previous articles titled, Teach Kids to Overcome Challenges Through Nature, we discussed how things don’t always goes as planned when a child is working on a project. We named the following stumbling blocks that kids come across when working towards a goal:
Cognitive issues: Limited problem solving and critical thinking facilities.
Lack of resources: Limited access to material, money, or helpful input from others.
One-off external threats: Examples include uncooperative weather events, an envious bully, or anything that can suddenly and physically challenge completion of a project or goal.
Self imposed obstacles: Self-doubt, fear, lack of focus, or limiting beliefs (imposter syndrome) that can undermine self-confidence and inhibit progress.
To overcome these, all of which can result in failure on a given project, we encouraged parents to immerse their kids in the great outdoors and engage in activities that will tap into their creative facilities using tools provided by Mother Nature. Check out the article here for inspiration. In addition, we published another article in the same vein titled, How to Teach Kids Patience Through Nature. In this feature, we discussed two key things that directly relate to embracing failure to achieve success. For one, we recommended observing the trials and tribulations of wildlife. Birds, rodents (groundhogs, squirrels, etc.), raccoons, and other critters attempt to solve all sorts of problems and work through challenges to feed and clean themselves, build shelters, avoid hazards, and overcome obstacles. Things rarely go as planned, resulting in a number of defeats. Do they just give up? Not a chance! For instance, you don’t see a squirrel quit when a crow swoops in to steal a juicy berry from its line of vision. It adapts and moves forward by seeking sustenance elsewhere without letting failure defeat their plans to eat or feed their young. By observing animals’ behaviors regarding failure, children learn the value of adaptation and perseverance.
Celebrate Mistakes and Give Praise to Failing Moments
When your child makes a mistake or error after putting forth an honest effort, reframe it instead of ignoring it. Celebrate the mistake as a first step towards learning, and give them a high-five! You may even make a weekly event of it. There is a concept called “Failure Friday” which is where/when a family gathers around to share what went wrong during the week, and what was learned, focusing on the growth rather than the outcome. This is something that is more effective when all participate, so be ready to take inventory of your own small (or big) defeats that may occur between Monday AM and when you “clock out” on Friday.
Additionally, shift focus away from perfection, trophies, or high grades. Instead, praise the dedication, practice, and persistence your child puts into a task, even if the end result is failure. This teaches them that effort is more valuable than innate talent.
We hope everything above was helpful. Meanwhile, please note that the Plant a Seed & See What Grows Foundation inspires and promotes healthy living and learning for kids across Canada. You can help us help the next generation by pledging your support too! View more on how you can get involved.